Musings of a Servant of Allah
Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. (13:28)Archive for Medical school
Almost there…
Alhamdulilah, only a few more days left til I fly to Jordan 
Hasn’t quite hit me yet, and it probably won’t, not until I’m on the plane with my brother! Please pray that we’ll arrive safely, and return safely too, God willing. Packing up and leaving everyone and everything I know is exciting, especially after such turmoil over the past few years of my life. A fresh start, in the company of those loved by Allah. I can’t ask for more, alhamdulilah. Part of me misses med school (crazy, I know lol) but the rest of me knows that this break is for the best.
My trials remain, as always. Despite the obvious pain, my hardships are a means to reaching Allah, and I’m learning to be optimistic and think the best of my Lord, and my circumstances. Like Sheikh Nuh said to us in the Sydney Suhba, out of all the infinite possibilities for our lives, Allah has chosen the absolute best for us, in His Divine Wisdom.
You are exactly where you need to be. It’s up to you to use this moment to draw closer to God, or stray away. So whether it be the loss of a loved one, your health, your wealth – whatever it may be – it happened because God willed it, and He loves you, and He wants you to return to Him. It’s the nature of the human being to forget….the root word for the arabic word for human (insaan) is naasiya, which means ‘to forget’. So these blows of fate, no matter how painful, are gentle reminders that God is the one in control, and that He is the only one whom we can seek solace from. What a lonely existence it is, without Him. So ask Him! He loves to be asked. Another beautiful gem Sheikh Nuh gave us at the Sydney Suhba was this: each time the tongue of the servant utters a prayer for something, know that Allah wants to give it to him.
If there’s one thing that can fill your heart with distraction and empty it from any longing for God, it’s music! So check this link out, and download that mp3 file.
Here’s an interesting article:
Getting Rid of the Need for Approval
Posted by Abu Ulfah in Guidance, Priorities, Reflection, The Self on 03 15th, 2009 | no responses
Bismillāh ar-Rahmān ar-Rahīm
In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
On getting rid of the need to look to creation for approval
Strive to purify your heart from the fear of creation and from putting your hopes in them, for this would make you remain silent when faced with falsehood, compromise your Dīn and neglect exhorting to good and forbidding evil, this would be humilation enough, for a mu’min is strong by his Lord, he has no fear and no hope except in Him.
When one of your brother Muslims offers you something by way of showing affection, take it if you need it, thank Allāh for He is the real giver and thank the one whom Allāh has chosen to deliver it to you. If you do not need it, see whether it would be better for your heart to take it or refuse it, if you refuse, do it tactfully so as not to hurt the heart of the giver, for the feelings of a Muslim have great rank with Allāh.
Beware of refusing for the sake of acquiring a reputation, or of accepting for your lust, however, to take for lust is better than to turn down to acquire a reputation of ascetism and of turning away from dunyā. The truthful and sincere will not be confused by this, his Lord gives him a light in his heart by which he knows what is required of him.
Imām ‘Abdallāh Ibn ‘Alawī al-Haddād
Risālah Ādāb Sulūk al-Murīd
http://www.spiritual-tendencies.com/2009/0…d-for-approval/
Goodbye
Today marks my last day at hospital for this year.
I’m sad. Relieved. Happy. Nervous. Excited.
Everyone’s been great. Bittersweet farewell.
C told me the sweetest thing today. “You’re one of the nicest people I’ve met. A flower, amidst the ivory. We can learn a lot from you.”
Hence begins my first day of leave from studies. The faculty has been incredibly supportive. A few of my friends are shocked, largely because I’m good at pretending everything’s normal lol. I’ll miss them.
Med school blues
So it’s that time of year again.
Nearly the end of the medical school year. And what a crazy year that’s been.
A wise doctor told me, “We would get arrested if we did to ordinary people on the street, what we do to patients in hospital.”
Looking back, I bet you’ve learned an incredible amount. In fact, it’s so much you’ve probably forgotten most of it. lol.
If you’re feeling down, rest assured – you’re not alone. Heck, if you’re not exhausted, you’re in the minority!! This too shall pass. Just grit your teeth and soldier on to class. Do what you have to do. Blessed solitude is only a few weeks away.
Inspiration
When I grow up, I want to be an oncologist.
Today was, by far, the best day I’ve had at hospital. Although a large part of it involved chasing up a doctor who wasn’t returning my page/calls etc….things worked themselves out, and I spent an inspiring hour or so chatting to a patient up on the medical oncology ward. It was such a privilege, listening to this man’s incredible journey through battling with cancer. He’s on his second round of chemotherapy, and I was so moved by his strength and optimism.
I told him how I would love to specialise in oncology, and he was so supportive. He said something along the lines of “I’m sure you’ll be very good at it. Imagine the comfort you’ll bring to so many patients.” Aw!
Moments like these remind me why I signed up to this degree to begin with, and I’m so grateful. Patients teach me so much. His wife dropped in towards the end of our conversation and was so touched by my presence….she insisted that I stay with him and take a thorough medical history! I already had, and would have loved to stay and chat more, but I had a dinner appointment with a good friend (*wave!*) and didn’t want to be later than I already was.
I was so moved by his honesty. He said that he felt that his world had ended when he got the results of his biopsy. The words ‘cancer’, ‘chemotherapy’ and ‘radiotherapy’ carried such negative connotations, but the multidisciplinary cancer care team was absolutely pivotal in helping him and his family move forward. They described the team as being fantastic, efficient, caring, supportive…I feel so proud to belong to such a great team of health care professionals Alhamdulilah.
They asked me to pop by and visit while he’s still having chemotherapy over the next few days. Again, that was so touching. I’ll make the time to do that, inshaAllah.
On another note: while I was up at the front desk of the oncology ward, hovering around and waiting for a doctor/nurse to speak to and ask for good patients to take histories from….I watched one of the doctors. He sat down, and looked so distant, and so very very sad. When I whispered a very discreet “Excuse me? I’m Raidah, a medical student…”, he immediately looked up, snapped out of it, and smiled and me with surprising warmth. Who knows what thoughts went through his mind. Did he just lose a patient? A loved one? Is he going through personal problems? Incredible, how it’s easy to forget how oncologists and other health care professionals are people too. We all have our vulnerabilities.
Under scrutiny
So now I’m in my second week of oncology. Already! It’s been an exhausting blur. But all very interesting. Oncology is a fascinating field of medicine….it’s interesting, how everything finally fits together. We’ve spent first and second year studying all the body systems, and now oncology ropes it all together. Because we’re meant to know all the systems by now. Right?
Right. Clearly, I’m a little lost right now :p
Changes in context unsettle me. I like feeling in control and on top of things, so changing into full-time hospital after the big exam was a real blow to my equilibrium. But, alhamdulilah, I’m getting back to where I ought to be. One step at a time.
Part of the stress of medical school is the continual situation of being under scrutiny. Everyone’s watching you when you’re up on the wards. The doctors, your colleagues, the patients, the nurses – everyone. On good days, I can rise to the occasion, ‘own the space’, know exactly what I’m supposed to do and say with the patient…but on bad days, it’s not so great.
On bad days, I get the med school equivalent of ‘two left feet’. But hey, better now then when I’m an intern right? At least I get the chance of being corrected by the amused doctors. Sigh. The doctor today was particularly astute and picked out my biggest problem when it comes to doing physical examinations – I just go through the motions, with no clear aim, and I get a little anxious. He also told me to “Take control!” I think he felt a little sorry for me too…hence his kind apology for needing to correct me. That was nice of him. It’s a given that I’ll make mistakes until I’m more experienced, but it’s always good to see doctors who remember that once, they were clumsy students too
Med students: listen to the feedback you get from your tutors. Clinical time is precious, and what you put in is what you get out. Don’t get too stuck in book study, because although that’s important, whether you like it or not, you’re going to be that intern left on call. So have that framework for takng a history and doing a physical exam. Practice on patients now! You only get one chance at being a student. Use it well.
And when things get tough…remember what Dory said in Finding Nemo “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”
First week back
SO TIRED!
And we haven’t even done all that much. lol. More later inshaAllah.
The Alchemist
….by Paulo Coehlo, is a brilliant book! Absolutely brilliant. Go to your nearest library and read it/buy it from your nearest bookshop. Yes, it’s that good. Universal kind of read. Such a great story because it addresses a fear we all face at some stage of our lives. Fear of failure. Everyone has a dream, so to speak, and it takes courage to live that out. It’s easier to just give in, make excuses..but we’ll never truly be happy that way.
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Sigh. Back to hospital tomorrow. I’m not ready. Am I ever ready?? Gah! Time to roll with the punches, as usual. Oncology block should be very interesting…palliative care…end-of life treatment. Should be very informative. I’m just a little tired. It’s good that Eid happened after my exams finished…it was a great way to celebrate the end of Ramadan, and such exhausting study. We still have our practical exam coming up at the end of November, but I’ll take that as it comes.
The dentistry girls have it much harder, I have to say. They have to learn med stuff plus dent stuff, plus oral surgery stuff….one of them is so positive about it, and says that it’s character-building That takes optimism. We all have our ups and downs, and draw strength from our respective traditions.
On no soul does God Place a burden greater than it can bear, it gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. Pray: “Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which You did lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith.” [Chapter 2, verse 286]
Fweeeee!!
It’s OVER!!!
Alhamdulilah and a HALF 
Onwards, to SUSHI IFTAR with the musalla gals!!!
Not too bad
As the title of this post suggests, yesterday’s exam wasn’t too bad. Thank God! It was fair. No surprises. Sure, a few curly questions here and there, but I finished early and got as far away as possible lol.
Last day of exams today! Woo! Ok, so we have our OSCE (Objective structured clinical exam?) in November, but I’ll worry about that when it comes.
I’m dying to get a book published one day. Seriously. It’ll either be a book about migration, Muslim women, identity etc or a sci-fi/fantasy epic lol.
Back to study!
It’s showtime!
O Allah!
Lord of the Heavens and Earth, the All-Knowing, All-Seeing. The one who is Ever Living and Never Sleeps.
Grant me clarity of mind
Calmness of heart
Tranquility of soul
Sureness of step
Bring to me that which is best, keep away that which is bad, and keep me content with it.
Amen.
