Musings of a Servant of Allah
Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. (13:28)Archive for April, 2007
Another day on the wards
Clinical Day equals me and a bunch of other medical students following consultants around like ducklings, busy jotting down notes and HOPING that you won’t be the one who’s picked to interview/examine a patient. Except I know I’ll be picked tomorrow. I know it’s the best way to learn, but still….being cross-examined like that is unnerving. Gah. Reading up so I can prepare. Some doctors are nicer than others…..others just slaughter you.
Student, to patient: (kindly) Does your wife want you back home soon?
Patient, with rare, incurable disease*: (Despairing) Yes!
Doctor, to student: Don’t ask stupid questions like that.
The rest of us: (cringe because that was a Nice Empathic Thing To Ask a DepressedPatient)
Doctor: (ruthlessly continues) A classic one from a few years back would have been a student asking a blind patient – “Does it feel bad, being blind?” You’re not doing a social work degree, you’re doing a medical degree. So ask relevant questions. Not ones with obvious answers.
Student: (Smiles bravely and nods)
I would have melted into a puddle. Seriously.
Clearly, empathy shall have to happen when old-school doctor/tutors aren’t looking on! The autonomy that comes with being a JMO (junior medical officer) is where kindness can come in, I guess. Right now, being a student equals being at the bottom of the pecking order. It’s all about rolling with the punches, knowing that I don’t know much, accepting that, and learning from everything that I do wrong! It’s all very, very humbling. The trick is to focus on what I do know, realise how much I have progressed, instead of focusing on what I don’t know and freaking out about it. That being said, daily, consistent revision is a must.
Inshallah it’ll all fall into place in time!
اللَّهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إلَّا مَا جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلاً وَ إنْتَ تَحْعَلُ الْحزْنَ إذَا شِئْتَ سَهْلاً
Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’altu sahla, wa ‘anta taj-alul hazna idha shi’ta sahla
O Allah! There is nothing easy except what You make easy, and You make the difficult easy if it be Your Will
[Ibn Hibban]
*This man, may Allah guide him, was struck down by a mysterious illness. He was in perfect health, with no family history of ANYTHING (incredibly rare…someone you’re related to is bound to have heart disease/hypertension/diabetes etc). You don’t want to be ’special’ in a medical context, because that almost always means that there’s no cure. Specialists from all over the country were flown in, and to no avail. All the hospital can do now is keep him comfortable as possible (despite his unrelenting pain and wasted muscles) before he eventually dies of respiratory failure because soon, his muscles will be too weak to even allow him to breathe. Be grateful for the blessings of your health, always!
Busy busy
Back to class tomorrow! Excited on one hand, but also dreading the crazy workload. Kheir inshallah. “Verily, along with every hardship, there is relief. Verily, along with every hardship, there is relief.” (Ash-Sharh, 94:5-6)
The highlight of my week has to be Saturday morning. Looking forward to it already. My family and I have started taking the time and effort to attend Fajr prayer at our local masjid. Alhamdulilah, whatever Allah wills, comes to pass. Nothing beats that kind of feeling. It’s the epitome of ’serenity now’. Angels descend upon gatherings where Allah is mentioned, and in return, we’re mentioned in gatherings greater than the one we’re in. Subhanallah! Saturday mornings make me feel like I’m waking up early for something I sincerely want to do, for the sake of drawing closer to Allah. Sure, waking up early to go to class is a form of worship (all things, done for the sake of Allah, fall into that category), but that feeling of being enveloped in Allah’s mercy…I don’t get that same tranquility during an anatomy lecture 
This could be a reflection on my level of imaan, but tranquility is hard to find in the motions of daily life. Particularly when a fair few of my medical colleagues find no qualms in questioning the relevance of God in their lives. It’s strange. I would have thought that being faced with very ill patients on a weekly basis makes one realise the fraility of the human condition…instead, so many think that they’re exempt from being sick because they’re still young. And when you’re young, somehow it makes you invincible. The illusion of invincibility!
As Sheikh Hamza Yusuf says…if you believe in God, the world is filled with Him. But if you don’t, then the world becomes Godless. It’s what we make of it. Sigh. I miss the masjid. Living for the weekend takes a whole new meaning when you’re Muslim!
“And indeed the Hereafter is better for you than the present life of this world.” (Ad-Duha, 93:4)
Abu Hurayrah (ra) reports that Allaah’s Messenger (saw) said, “Allaah ta’ala said, “I am as My servant thinks I am, and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in his self, I will remember him in Myself. If he remembers Me in a gathering, I will remember him in a gathering better than it. And if he draws near to Me by a handspan, I will draw near to him by an arm’s length. And if he draws near to Me by an arm’s length, I will draw near to him by a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I will go to him with speed.” (Saheeh ul-Jami’, no.7993, saheeh isnad).
Be in this world as though…
It’s so easy to forget, that one day, all this will come to an end.
Everything before me, like my cluttered desk, my pile of books, the steady hum of my reliable PC…the presence of my family, my cats. The warmth of home.
The Beloved Prophet (pbuh) advised us to “Be in this world as though you are a traveller…” Such wisdom! Our souls were made for eternity. This world is but a testing ground, and our actions here will determine where we’ll spend the rest of eternity. Eternity. I can’t even fathom the beginning of forever.
I know that this life is temporary, on a cognitive level, but more often than not, it feels like life will never end. My world view often consists of surviving from hectic lecture to lecture, or from exam to exam! I wonder how I’m going to survive the next few years of medical school, where I’m going to do my internship, what I should specialise in – obstetrics? Psychiatry? Paediatrics? It’s difficult to see beyond the every day routine of waking up, getting ready for class, going through the motions, coming home, going to sleep, studying, studying some more, meeting up with friends, spending the weekends with family…
This attachment to the dunya/world is precisely why Allah, in his Infinite Wisdom, sent down Prophets. To guide those who cannot see. Despite what many humans may think – we’re so very limited in how we perceive reality. Left to our our devices, many of us may believe that this life is it. What the eye can see, and what the ear can hear is all there is to it. And when we die, we die. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Nothingness.
In spite of the myriad of scientific achievements and technological advancement, mankind as a whole hasn’t effectively dealt with crucial issues like death, and the existence of God. The rise of secularism and atheism is alarming. Religion is now associated with backwardness. Islam is now synonymous with terrorism. Once, it was unheard of to not believe in a Creator. Now, having firm belief in God can mean that you lack the logic to think for yourself!
We live in troubled times. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was sent as a mercy to mankind, yet his message has been slurred, stereotyped, and labelled as dangerous. Whether the denizens of the globe like it or not, we’re all part of the Last Ummah – the Ummah of Muhamad (pbuh). This truly is the last age for humanity.
One could argue that I am Muslim because my parents are, but faith is something you can’t be born into. It’s something you have to cultivate, nurture, and protect. Actively engaging with the Qur’an, learning more about my Islamic roots, defining and refining my Muslim identity – these are crucial things which I need to do, everyday, to hold fast to the rope of Allah. It’s so easy to be swept up in the heedlessness of the dunya – easy, just turn on the radio, the TV, read those magazines, succumb to whatever feels good now. On the other hand, it’s an ongoing battle to keep my feet firmly planted on this earth, while having my eyes set firmly on the Akhirah.
May the peace and blessings of Allah be with you!
First post. Alhamdulilah!
Where do I begin?
About me: Muslimah, daughter, sister, friend. Avid reader/writer. Chocolate connoisseur. Insignificant part of the Universe, made important only through His Mercy. Medical student.
Simple pleasures: Making a steaming mug of hot chocolate (complete with melted Mars Bars chunks) with my lil sis at the end of a long, rainy day 
